Boundaries and clarity. Two of my very favourite topics. I speak about them often in my classes, courses, podcast, blog, Instagram posts, and more than anything, in my coaching sessions.
I catch people before they allow their boundaries to become loose or if they don’t have boundaries. And I catch people in case they haven’t set very clear terms when dealing with others. I tell them, “No. These are the boundaries you need to place for sure. These are the points on which you need to have very good clarity before dealing with somebody else.” I’ve been good with teaching people about this.
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And most of the time, for my own self, I’m a boundaries boss!
Particularly if I’m working with people I don’t even know, or maybe not too well, I’m very good with setting boundaries and having clarity right from the get go. But when it comes to dealing with people who I know a little, you know, like a friend or an acquaintance, I slip up.
Today I slipped up
I went into a business meeting. The point of discussion was something else entirely, but because I have knowledge in certain other areas, the people in the meeting started asking me questions about this other area.
Normally I’d charge for something like this as a separate coaching session. But for three hours I just gave and gave and gave, shared and shared and shared. Whatever questions they asked I answered them, even though it was off topic, tangential.
So basically the meeting was related to food but they had all these questions about running a vegan business
And I just answered the questions. The people were happy of course. They picked mine and my business partners’ brains, and we shared. At least my partner had the sense to not talk too much. But I was like, you know, when somebody’s asking me questions on a topic that I know about, my instinct is to share, I want them to do really well.
But it didn’t come to my head until way later into the meeting that, “Hey wait! Why am I giving away all this information?”
It was like a one-on-one consultation for three hours straight!
I was giving so much of myself, without even knowing whether this business meeting (for the main topic) is going to actually lead to something or not. At the end of it, they were thankful. They said, “we got a lot out of this. Thanks so much for answering our questions.”
All that is fine, but I was feeling so drained!
I just offer one hour consultations usually, even for the paid one-to-one consultations, because it takes a lot of energy. It’s not like writing a blog post or recording a podcast episode where one can happily and generously share a lot of information. Those are different. You can think, you do it on your own time. Even if that takes over two or three hours, it’s not as taxing.
But when you’re giving a consultation, there’s an energy exchange, a conversation
You’re asking questions, you’re listening, and then you’re tailoring your responses to their needs and guiding them.
People have certain ideas stuck their minds, and you have to say, “Okay, this is the right way. This is the wrong way. Please do this. Don’t do that.” So a consultation session is quite draining in itself, even if it’s a one hour session.
But here I was today giving a three hour session, without even setting any terms in advance. Like, “you know what, these would be my consultation charges”. And without even knowing whether this whole business project that we were there to discuss is going to lead somewhere or not to begin with.
At the end of it I was tired enough to not be able to do anything else with the rest of the day. So it wasn’t just the three hours, it was the rest of my day. My whole day went into this!
All this because I didn’t have the sense to create boundaries and clarity right from the get go
That’s when it occurred to me that we all need a coach! A coach, a mentor, a guide…Somebody who’s outside of the situation, with whom we can discuss these things. Because always, when you’re inside a situation, it’s not as clear. You get into something, and then you kind of go wherever it takes you.
But when you aren’t directly attached to the situation, when you’re on the outside coaching someone about how to deal with someone else, it’s very easy to see where things could get mixed up, where the boundaries could get crossed, where the clarity could have issues.
Then it’s very easy to guide them and say, “Watch out for this. Watch out for that. Make sure of this.” And today I felt like I needed someone like that.
Today I needed a coach like I am for others during my coaching sessions
A coach to have told me what to do before I went into this meeting. To kind of see in advance in what ways I could have set my boundaries and been more clear.
You know, the people who were asking me all these questions, it’s not like they were trying to take advantage of me or anything like that. I’m glad I helped them and I hope it helps them. But I’ve always believed that the value of guidance, advice, everything is much better, more powerful, much stronger when it’s paid for. A paid session.
When somebody’s paying for advice, there’s a lot more power to it
There’s a good solid energy exchange. And I needed somebody to remind me of that.
So I was kicking myself afterwards. I’m like, “Oh, my whole day went into this! I didn’t have the sense to have the boundaries I should have.” And then of course, I meditated a bit, thought things over and all that, and certain ideas came to my mind on how to remedy this situation at this point of time.
But it also occurred to me that I shouldn’t even have been in this situation at all in the first place. And that’s when I was like, “podcast episode!” hahaha
See, I should have released this week’s podcast episode much earlier today, but I’m doing it now because I was so tired by the time I got home. Now I’m like, “Yeah! I should make the podcast episode about how important it is for all of us to have a guide or a coach or a mentor.”
Or even like a mastermind group to exchange ideas with, so that we always have someone outside of the situation to guide us. To hold up the mirror and reflect things to us if nothing else.
If we’re able to find a coach who’s more experienced than us, then nothing like it, wonderful!
But also, it doesn’t even have to be someone more experienced than us. It could be someone with the same level of experience as us, as long as they’re specialised in our kind of field, to be to be able to tell us what to do.
So that’s what I wanted to tell you. Before getting into any situation, but particularly work related situation, it’s worth it to pay someone, consult with them, and get their guidance.
Always know this. Even if you’re a senior in your workplace, or if you’re a leader in your family, somebody that others depend on and come to for advice, for support, for guidance, remember that you aren’t immune.
Being someone who helps people with great advice doesn’t make you immune to making mistakes, slipping up, and doing the exact thing that you tell others not to do
So yeah, find somebody. Find a guide. Particularly if it’s somebody you’re able to pay and take sessions with. Then there’s a lot more accountability and value on both ends. Right? And it’s serving both energy wise.
It’s good for everybody involved; the coach or the guide, and the person who’s taking that advice. It’s helping everyone. It’s a good exchange of energy.
But even if it isn’t paid guidance, definitely look up to somebody outside of your situation before going into any, particularly business related, meeting, contract and things like that.
All right. That’s it for today. You take care, and I’ll talk to you again next week.
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“I’m a Spiritual Vegan Multi-Passionate Entrepreneur. I read voraciously, find humour in most things, and believe kindness and authenticity can make this world a happier, loving place.
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