Is there one relationship in your life which overpowers all other aspects of it? Are your losing a large part of who you are to this? This short solocast episode is all about detaching in a healthy way and reclaiming your identity.
You are not just one thing! Allow yourself to completely be who you are and let every part of yourself shine.
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“What stops us from creating healthy boundaries in any relationship, is the fear of loss.”Susmitha Veganosaurus – The Feel Good Factor Podcast
Reclaim your identity!
Episode 38 Transcript (edited for better reading experience)
Hello hello hello! Welcome back to The Feel Good Factor. I’m Susmitha Veganosaurus, and I’m so glad you could join me here today,
Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I did a solocast. I have a bunch of really nice interviews lined up, but there was an important topic that I just had to talk to you all about today.
We’ve just started a full moon cycle, and this is the time for letting go and releasing things that aren’t conducive to our growth anymore. So the topic I wanted to discuss today is in line with this whole theme of letting go.
In healthy dessert preparations, when people want to avoid processed sweeteners like sugar, dates are used quite commonly. They’re very sweet, full of beneficial nutrients, and they help in binding too.
Perfect right? So why isn’t everyone’s sweetening, everything with dates all the time.
Because when you use too many dates in a recipe, their flavor, basically overpowers, everything else.
Make raw truffles with nuts and dates sometime, and you’ll see what I mean.
It doesn’t matter what fancy names you give to these truffles, or what flavors you add to them – cardamom, cinnamon, vanilla, rose… When you pop any truffle into your mouth, your taste buds and brain will process it as just one thing, a lump of ground up dates. *laughs*
There are a couple of special ingredients like sesame seeds or bitter chocolate, which stand their ground against the intensity of dates. But let’s ignore them for the moment. They don’t currently serve our purpose.
Now before you start wondering if this is some weird cooking related episode, like me divest you of that idea right away.
I have brought up dates today as a metaphor, for relationships that overpower every other aspect of our life.
It could be a relationship we share with family members, or friends, or even our work. The kind of people or situations, we love so much that by being associated with them, we allow our personality to get overpowered, our very identity to get lost in that relationship.
This thought came to me because I built my website recently. In case you want to take a look at it, it’s veganosaurus.com
I’m what you might call a multipotentialite. All my life I’ve never been able to stick to one single interest. I need many outlets for my creativity.
I’ve pivoted often and juggled many passions through my early years, and this has led me to become a multi-passionate entrepreneur today.
My website is a compilation of all my current interests, talents, and areas of work. I built it myself. The layout, photos, written content, a lot of thought went into putting it together.
It was a long process. And as the various sections of the site unfolded, I started to see how many aspects of myself I’d allowed to stay dormant for the past half decade.
My restaurant was the one dominant aspect of my life, that everything else was eclipsed by. I put so much of myself into building this conscious business that I loved so much, that I ended up merging my life, my whole identity, into it.
For the longest time, when people introduced me to someone, they’d refer to me as the owner of Carrots. Everything else that made me who I am was forgotten.
I used to feel very proud of this fact for quite some time. I mean, this business was my baby, a labor of love that had somehow survived against all odds. Of course I was overjoyed to be acknowledged as an important part of it.
But then over time, all the other facets of my personality and life started to feel very left out.
I had let myself, ignore everything else to focus on my restaurant. And I was slowly beginning to resent the restaurant for taking over my life. *laughs* The poor thing.
This is what we do, right? We allow one part of our life, one aspect, one person to be the center of our existence.
There’s nothing wrong with this unless we allow every other part of our life, of ourselves, to be drowned out by this one dominant relationship. I’ve seen this happen with friendships, marriages, parenthood… It’s just not a healthy way to live.
So, today, take a moment to identify the “Date” in your life. *laughs*
That wonderful relationship which overpowers every other side of your life and your personality with its sheer intensity and sweetness. That one person, situation or thing you believe defines your current life.
Someone, or something, you feel you can’t separate yourself from for even a single day. There might be one or there might even be multiple. Identify these, acknowledge the power they seem to have over you, and then work on cutting the unhealthy emotional attachment.
This might not be easy at first. What stops us from creating healthy boundaries in any relationship, is the fear of loss.
For me, it was this fear that the business will wither away, if I don’t spend every waking moment of my life focusing on it. For someone else, it might be the fear that if they reduce the amount of time they spend with their romantic partner or best friend, they might drift away from each other.
We believe that without that one component, our life will be meaningless. Our identity has become so enmeshed into it, that ironically, we feel that if anything happens to this relationship, we lose our identity.
It’s funny, isn’t it? Because we forget that we are losing the rest of our identity to this one relationship.
The decisions we make in every other part of our life will be planned around this one central relationship.
We limit our own potential for greatness in all other fields, and all other relationships. If something won’t continue to enable this one main attachment to stay in complete power over your life, you’ll neglect it.
But here’s something to remember. Just because you work towards detaching yourself from them, doesn’t mean you’re pushing them out of your life, or losing them.
We need to let go of fear that stops us from shifting from an unhealthy attachment to a healthy connection.
When we cut out those cords of attachment, those aspects of the relationship that are holding us back, what we do is we’re cleansing that relationship of negative, low vibrational energy. What remains is the positive connection that began this whole journey, this whole relationship, in the first place.
When we start approaching any relationship from a place of love and freedom, instead of from a place of attachment, of holding you back, what occurs is a beautiful shift.
Suddenly the energy that is flowing between you and this person, or the situation, or this work, or anything at all, is one that is flowing freely and positively.
And because of this, you are empowered. And not only are you empowered, you start putting in very high vibe, emotions, back into that relationship.
Because you are confident and comfortable in the knowledge that, “whatever I do, wherever I go, even if I don’t pour my entire being into this one situation, this will always be there for me. This will always be a good part of my life.
And even if it isn’t, even if this person, this business, the situation, this whole thing disappears, it’s absolutely okay, because it’s served its purpose in my life. And what I have in my life is what I meant to have.
There is so much more to me, to who I am, to what my life is than this one single relationship.”
Living life from this place of freedom, it enhances creativity. It increases this flow of joyful energy.
And you will see that there is so much more you can enjoy, you can cherish, you can accomplish in your life.
So starting with this full moon cycle, why don’t you spend some time, and make a list of the things that you want to release? Things that are holding you back. Things, people, relationships, situation… whatever is holding you back. Or rather, whatever you’re allowing to hold you back. Make a list of these. And then slowly work on releasing them. Slowly work on shifting the equation of that relationship.
Do this one at a time. Start with the one that has the strongest hold on you, and then slowly move through the rest of the list.
I promise you that it’s going to change your life, only for the highest, most beautiful, most positive good.
I’m hoping that, what I’ve shared today makes you ponder makes you think, and has an impact on your life. Helps you move on a smoother, non resistant path as you go through your life, as you go through your relationships, as you go through your business…
I would love to hear back from you, hear your thoughts on what this episode made you think, made you feel. What did it bring up for you?
How do you feel, you can just let go of things that are holding you back?
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And with this, I’d like to sign off for today.
Thank you so much for listening to this episode of The Feel Good Factor. I’m Susmitha Veganosaurus, and I’m looking forward to talking to you again very soon.
Transcribed by Otter.